"The fondness of being lonely"

That’s what a Finnish woman said after watching a film by Aki Kaurismaki. His films were very Finnish: “The drinking, the tango’s - and the fondness of being lonely” she said.

I think I’ve had a fondness of being lonely most of my life. Maybe all of my life. Maybe from the very beginning. I spent my first 6 weeks on earth in an incubator. And you have to develop a fondness of being lonely pretty quickly in that environment - so as to survive.

I know the distinction is always made about Alone being different (i.e. better) than Lonely (i.e. not desirable) We’re meant to cultivate Aloneness as a function of our burgeoning Independence, a prerequisite of a fully awakened and liberated Awareness. Whereas Loneliness is always seen as a clingy - but dissatisfied - need for others to ameliorate that fundamental Aloneness, and somehow, vainly, make Lonely go away…..

Which it does of course, for a bit. But we have to keep coming back to ourselves. Eventually. Coming back to our alone, on our own, loneliness.

And lonely can feel good in a way. Feel warm. Feel very human. I embrace myself with my lonely, comfort myself - more than any other human being ever could - with what I feel like to be myself as myself for myself: essentially alone yes; and fundamentally lonely also.

I’m not getting away from my lonely really - not even in company with other alone/lonely people.

Not even with Aki Kaurismaki.

Even though he’d be good fun (deadpan ironic absurdist that he is) to get lonely with.

And drink our lonely silly.

(I’d like to watch some of his films)